Since thousand years ago, Human relationship has always become interesting brainwasting topics. People always interested on why and how interpersonal relationship (in general) or intimate relationship (in specific manner) could develop between couples.
Master Brainwaster Aristole
Over 2300 years ago, interpersonal relationship were being contemplated by Master Brainwaster - Aristotle, he believed that by nature humans are social beings and suggested that there were three different types of relationships.
1. Uttility based relationship
On utility based relationship, people are attracted to relationships that provide utility because of the assistance and sense of belonging that they provide
2. Pleasure based relationship
In relationships based on pleasure, people are attracted to the feelings of pleasantness and that they are engaging.
3. Relationship based on virtue
On Relationships based on virtue, people we're are attracted to others' virtuous character.
Although Aristotle put forth much consideration about relationships, as like many other ancient philosophers, did not use systematic methods and therefore could not conclude that his thoughts and ideas were correct.
Following the Brainwaster Master path, I would like to try re-explaining this phenomena, but this time I would want to take it to a more advanced & sophisticated way: brainwaste that were backed up with a scientific literature (ok, I know it's still lame because it hasn't tested yet, but at least I'm one step further than Aristotle right).
Intimate Relationships: Hierarcycal Style
Most people believe that a relationship between two couple could only happen because of L.O.V.E. However, based on my observation, I believe that interpersonal relationship between two couple could happen, driven and predetermined by several motive of needs (which this need could be affected by age and socio-cultural environment) which is similar to Abraham Maslows Hierarcy of Needs.
Hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology which proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 on a paper entitled "A Theory of Human Motivation". Maslow's hierarchy of needs is predetermined in order of importance. It is often represented as a pyramid consisting of five levels: the lowest level is associated with physiological needs, while the uppermost level is associated with self-actualization needs, particularly those related to identity and purpose.
Maslow Hierarcy Of Needs
While Maslow's theory was regarded as an improvement over previous theories of personality and motivation, some experts such philosopher Manfred Max Neef has argued fundamental human needs are non-hierarchical, and are ontologically universal and invariant in nature. But I won't mind that…since this is actually a brainwaste, we could just assume that human needs are hierarchical and variant :P.
Let's haste to the main topic of this article. As I mentioned before; I believe that interpersonal relationship between two couple could happen, driven and predetermined by several motive of needs (which this need could be affected by age and socio-cultural environment). Those type of relationships are:
Pickup Line For Every Type Of Relationship
- Physiological based relationship
On physiological based relationship, people were attracted between each other merely because of their physical criteria.
One of the basic purposes of human life is for reproduction. In order to produce finest-quality successor, our brain has embedded by the blueprint of ideal mate which has several physiological criteria (which referred by our culture today with the word "Sexy", "Cute", "Handsome", "Beautiful","Athletic","Witty","Smart" Etc) which could outstand individual s inferior gene (Guys with horrible face but has splendid personality usually seeks for a beautiful woman which has no personality at all) or enhancing individuals superior gene (people with intelligence usually seek for another smart people). Every individual has their own criteria of ideal mate.
Once a person meet with other individual which could meet their ideal physiological criteria, his/her reptile instinct began to work and would do stupid things in order to establish a relationship which led to *something which I couldn't describe here in detail :P*.
I found this relationship mainly happen on teenagers (or ABeGe). They usually choose their girl/boy friend merely because of his/her physiological criteria. Girls ussualy attracted to handsome and athletic guy, or a smart & witty one while Boys ussualy attracted to a beautiful girl or a cute & gorgeous one. It's pretty rare for me to met a teenager couple whom already think about their financial safety on the future, or seeks respect from their couple.
- Safety based relationship
On safety based relationship, people attracted to an individual which could provide them the safety that they need. Safety here could be meant a lot of things, from physical safety, employment, resources, health, and property to the safety of wealth.
This type of relationship may not popular in our society (people would mock the individual which establish this kind of relationship as "materialist"), but it seems to be a realistic solution in order to survive on tough society nowadays (in easy way). I found this kind of relationship usually aroused on young adult whom began to learn the harness of life.
- Love/Belonging based relationship
The warmth of family, intimacy between two lover and friendship between individual is the main motive on love/belonging based relationship. Maybe this is the ideal relationship that always exploited on TV & cinema.
- Self Esteem based relationship
On self esteem based relationship, Nietzhe "der wille zur march" takes the major role. The main motive of this kind of relationship is power, status or achievement which could led to respect or confidence which was gained from the another person. Supermodel relationships with powerful Beaurocrats would be a common example for this.
- Self Actualization based relationship
Would you, in the name of charity or God, marry a poor old widow or; a person with disabilities which makes no one would want to marry and take care of him/her. Everyone would say: Heck! No Way!!!!! Marital is something sacred, something that must be done in the name of love, not charity!
I believe self actualization based relationship is the most uncommon thing to do in our modern society ( From time to time, I only know one person whom would bear this kind of relationship).
On self actualization based relationship, one would act based on morality and creativity in order to actualize his/her self of being useful for his/her community.
My brain is hot and my finger has been twisted, now please let me know which kind of relationship do you really seek?
6 comments:
Definitely Physiological wkwkwk. Ga bikin poll aja bang?
It's rather impossible to pick just one, Bro.. One must have chosen a combination of those criteria ... but with different percentages..
ask just ONE man you met or someone who's sitting in front of you now...
(or maybe the one that's sitting on ur chair :P)... "what kind a woman would u want to be wife?"
it'd be a total hypocrite to pick a wife that u love.. but u don't even like the way she looks.. and not giving you securities.. (in evry aspect, yeahh..)..
so my answer would be....
"relative" :P
Dear Stuw,
Thank you for the critical review. As explained Manfred Max Neef, i agree that human needs or on this case the intimate relationship, are non-hierarchical, and are ontologically universal and invariant in nature. Some of more sophisticated & advanced theory like Herzberg's hygiene theory etc has fix this problem. But since the main idea of this Brainwaste is just to give a brief view on how motivational theory could be combined intimate relationship context, i wont step further onto theory beyond Maslow's.
it is Nietzsche ist der „Wille zur Macht“
Aha! thx for the correction
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